Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/13 English

BGM: Magokoro Brothers "Fly up to the sky"

When I was a junior high school student, a teacher said that "You are running away into books by reading them". After that, I was also said that writing things like this is to run away from the real for me. That is something staying in my mind. Yes, I am exactly running away from the real. But also, I am reading books and making my philosophy in myself. The philosophy always makes me strong. So reading is the thing I always need as a part of my life. And writing something like this is also the activity I need to do.

I read books but I don't think I want to be an ideologue or a writer. Just the soul in myself needs reading. This might sound abstract but the soul or mind in myself needs them so I read. My life is just curing my pain instantly by books and I will do till the end of my life. As Radiohead sings, "we scratch our eternal itch" and that's all... But I can't imagine life without that "eternal itch". That is the karma I have to shoulder... Ah, it sounds too cool.

The 12th of December is the birthday of Yasujiro Ozu. I remember that and I read "Reading Yasujiro Ozu's journals" by Masaaki Tsuzuki a little after a while. Life must have no meaning and we die in vain... I thought like that. But if I read this book, the life of Yasujiro Ozu, a Japanese great movie director, depth makes my emotion move a little. Yes, life is always mysterious and has no clear answer. It's full of an enigma so thinking too deeply ends in vain.

Depression in my mind still goes on. Everything ends in vain and trial is a waste of time... just I die. I thought so and couldn't think positively. But if the work begins, my body starts moving. Why does my body move? Why do I do my work? I have no fight... Ah, life is quite an enigma. I am wondering about that enigma as my life. I'm already 46 years old but I can't feel that I am an adult. Just I am staying as a child... What things do change? What do I learn? "The answer is blowing in the wind" (Bob Dylan).