Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/11 English


I couldn't have written a novel in English that once I had been recommended to write. Maybe because of my autism, I can't write longer articles/novels with strong and static will and I had a feeling that writing longer can have no meaning. So I'm stopping doing that. But I also have found how to start it with a sentence. Then, writing it may lead to another sentence and the novel may start... all I can say is I have no talent because I doubt this and therefore can't start. But I also have the thought that even if it would end in vain or a clap, I want to write anyway. So I'm wandering. People's recommendations and praises are, of course, quite thankful to me.

A friend of mine recommended that I should get tiny happiness together in my daily work and life on LINE. There is no hope and dream in my workplace as usual. TBH I had thought that I would say quitting my job to my co-workers but I couldn't (My ever-changing moods...). Tiny happiness... How can it work for me? I doubt that but my journal also might have no meaning basically. But my friends read this. And my instinct also needs to write this. No logics completely. I might like doing "outputting" like this.

After the work, I went to a library and borrowed Gen Morokuma's "Never kill yourself, trip, even if you did mistakes in the life". I started reading. This is a document about a trip to Europe by the author who adores Wittenstein well. Wittgenstein is also my favorite philosopher. I might be one of the dutiful disciples (just thinking like this is free, isn't it?). Or I might be the same kind of Wittgenstein. Morokuma's style is easy to read and well written. Even if he often loses his topic and writes other things but it's comfortable. I just started reading but I want to know what he could find on his trip.

At the night I did a chat with other members on a server on Discord. They asked me why I have been getting concerned about the brain and science. I answered that it basically started from Wittgenstein's philosophy. Through his works, I started thinking about questions as "Why do I understand other people's pain" or "What is mind". I want to keep on reading books about the brain but I also want to read Wittgenstein's works precious. After finishing reading them, what books will be waiting for me? I want to read Tim Ingold's "Being Alive" (Ah, I bought this at last!). Reading never stops.