BGM: Scha Dara Parr "SANTAFUL WORLD"
I finished reading Marcello Massimini & Giulio Tononi "Nulla di più grande". It is written so clearly so easy to read, and also thrilling. It lets us think about the brain and consciousness. The brain of a human being can be put on a palm of us. But it is full of the infinite universe in it... I thought the authors are sensitive about that kind of sense of wonder. That sensitivity makes this book vivid. What is our mind, the self... but I should approach this problem in another direction. I should separate myself from the study of the brain.
Why should I live? Life is so s**t... I still think like that. I can't live on anymore... but I also can't stay in my room and lie on the bed eternally. As time passes I feel hungry. I also get wanted to read books. If I go to my workplace, I get wanted to do my job. Like these, my body starts saying the message "I wanna live!" It is never weird and also I'm alright if the curiosity or the desire comes from me. I've done my job and read a book. What book will I read tomorrow?
Once, I thought that I should give up. I had a fatal dangerous idea. But I also had a movie I had wanted to watch, so I went to Himeji and watched it. It was quite an abstract, unique independent one that was full of originality. What did this mean? The ideas flooded from me like a fountain. I was surprised at that infinite flooding from me and noticed "I am still alright". There is something that floods me. I can still keep on thinking. Then, there is more I can quest. So I can live on... This experience has been telling me the truth.
Tim Ingold's book "Being Alive" is the one I am thinking about. I have no money to buy something optional but I should buy and read it. Maybe I should ask the library for buying and sharing it. Ah... books helped me anytime. When I was at the dead-end 10 years ago, I was helped by Cyoukitsu Kurumatani's works. Now I read books about the brain and science... Anytime books tell me the fact "The world is full of wonder and larger than we imagine". The thought we have reaches farther than we imagine... We can't stop time. The night ends and the morning comes. So I should control the clock in myself and try to live. "I feel blue after waking up the morning/But I forget it if I get a shower" (Pizzicato Five).