Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/11/01 English

I read Toshiyuki Horie's "Out-of-service Train" and also check out Yoshikichi Furui's "Karioujyouden Shibun" and "Asagao (Morning Glory)"... Of course, these books bring me no money. I should read the books that bring me more money... I think I should be an idiot. But today I thought like this. Of course, a book is a completed art. And also a book is like a kind of a piece of the puzzle. If I connect these pieces, then I can see a Mandara or an awesome original picture for me... it gets too difficult?

My original Mandara... For example, when Steve Jobs studied calligraphy at a university, he didn't expect it would become useful when he started creating computers in Apple. The things I do without thinking back and forth, in other words, the things I do with a great passion can become useful tools. Then I will think "Oh, my passion was right!". As the same, I read books without back and forth, but these readings might come to me as a great heritage. Like reading Camus becomes the good knowledge to survive this corona panic.

Another topic. I remembered my 30s. At that time I didn't think that I was an autistic person. And also I had never heard about attachment disorder. Just I thought of myself as an adult child or personality disorder (borderline disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, etc)even if I had no knowledge. I had gone to Kyoto to attend the meetings a group had. And in there I had been blamed as an idiot. They denied my character completely. At last, I had stopped going there. I read books but I am a person who trusts pleasure or bad mood, not the logic primary. So I trust my hunch/inspiration, not the "correct" opinions that the group had said.

My talk got scattered... Anyway, I trust the pleasure when I read books and not the correctness. That's what I want to say. If I thought about money, I would read Takafumi Horie even if he has the same family name Horie (I won't say his books are rubbish). But the pleasure which the books gave me might light my way and guide me to the future. It is quite a miracle... and a priceless pleasure I believe. Then, the Mandara that I am creating every day is what kind of the pic? What was drawn?