Today I read Susumu Nishibe, a Japanese critic's book "39 Chapters For Conservativism" [西部邁『保守思想のための39章』]. It is too difficult to tell you what it tells exactly, but it could be this (I try to make his opinions so simple). I am not alone, because I have been a nod in human relationships with others. In other words, I have been supported by other people. And when I look at myself from a higher stage, I will find that my existence belongs to this society's traditional cultural heritage. I have been from that kind of greater, higher traditional origin... That is a summary of his opinions.
Yes... Now I can see what his opinions mean. Of course, I have another opinion about this issue partly. But about this, I think of this question. What if I had read this book in my teenage days? Could I accept these opinions? No, I couldn't.
When I was a teenager, as I have written in this journal, I was isolated from other classmates (in other words, I was hated by others terribly because of this autistic character. It was before the age of diversity). What if at that period I had been taught that "you are supported by others"? Maybe I would hit that person with my fist (sorry). And... how about when I was 20s? Or 30s?
When I was 40, I started attending an offline "danshu" meeting in this town, where I started sharing my experiences with other members. And also, the monthly meeting about autism started. Besides them, I started using the internet like this to learn English with other people. As you can see, these activities have taught me how precious my collaborations with others can be.
Probably because of those processes, now I can see that my opinions (or even my feelings themselves) have changed as this eventually. Once I believed that I couldn't be understood or cared for by others because I was so unique (Oh no). Now, as a cruel fact, I accept that I am not strange (in other words, I am just an ordinary old dude). But also, I accept this simple, precious fact: My life has been supported by others such as my job coach and friends actually, and also by YOU!
