BGM: Nine Inch Nails - The Perfect Drug
It was a day off today. I went to the hospital to see my doctor. When had I started this "monthly meeting" with my doctors about my mental problems (autism, insomnia, etc...)? It had been when I was about 20 years old, when I couldn't have found the fact I have been autistic. Oh, what a long way.
After that, I went to AEON as usual, at where I started reading one of my favorite authors, Yasumi Tsuhara's marvelous and controversial one (津原泰水『ペニス』.) How can I write about this great one without revealing any lewd stuff - This world, this reality is only one thing I guess. But within that, I always divide various things more and more. For example, "People can be divided as men and women (although the reality is not such a simple thing... sorry!)", or "this world is consisted by two things - facts and fakes".
Indeed, that kind of trial of clarifying everything is for us to understand things as easily as possible. In other words, this world itself is really chaotic and rich (really complicated and confusing.) Then, in this novel Tsuhara seems to try to describe the real, true figure of this world/reality by his incredible and elegant style (yes... if I were so young, then I could have been influenced by his great writings too easily.)
At least in my opinion, that kind of magical/enigmatic power must be a greatness novels can have. I can remember the authors who can have such a great influence personally. TBH, this novel is not so easy to read (even in my mother tongue, Japanese.) But it's as a great one as Sartre's "Nausea" or Haruki Murakami's sweet masterpieces - or this time, I have thought of this silly phrase. "This can be a kind of 'Japanese Psycho'."
After having dinner, I tried to read R. D. Laing's "The Divided Self". Although it is not an easy one to read, it seems I could find this idea - TBH I had been in a terrible period once, so even now I find that my body and my mind are seriously "separated" from each other. Therefore, I need to get the unity/oneness by connecting both. That's a reason why the group I belong to is very important for me.