BGM: Supercar - YUMEGIWA LAST BOY
How many chapters have I experienced until now if I can use the metaphor of novel to this life? Or what season I'm in right now if I can use the concept of four seasons? I remember - one of my favorite writers, Paul Auster, titled his memoir as "Winter Journal" to describe his life because he is already his 60s. Then, am I in my autumn right now? But, though you would think it must sound strange, actually I've been feeling that now is the "first" youth of mine, not any second prime.
Yes... I am feeling now like this. I have just started my life really recently. Of course, I am in the late stage of my life (I need to look at how my body has got older. My physical power is actually decreasing.) Therefore I might not have to feel like "I am still young" or "forever young." I remember that everything must have its positive side, and also negative side too. I should get a proper balance between the both sides.
But, I tell you about this (why am I feeling such a "great" power? Because of this tunes by Supercar?) - Once I had been really in a kind of hell in this earth, therefore now I've been feeling like I have got out from a jail. I feel like everything I see is really fresh. Oh my! Although almost everyone praises the prime time (our youth) as a beautiful period, I can't believe that. Yes, I am a strange one.
I have written about Paul Auster. And also, I remember some people as my heroes. Haruki Murakami, Shinji Miyadai, Yoshimichi Nakajima, Damon Albern, etc. Now, as an older/senior person, I need to think about what kind of things I can afford to this world, to the younger generation as a kind of heritage.
Tomorrow I will attend a meeting, at where I will tell about Nayuta Miki's books again to the other members (三木那由他『言葉の展望台』etc.). I remember/imagine - what if I couldn't meet them during this life? I write English journal, and also think about this kind of philosophical ideas. I wouldn't do/try this kind of behavior if we couldn't meet - Then, it can mean I would live a completely/absolutely different life. Life must have been consisted by many, really a lot of chances - I must write my autobiography (I wish I could have a certain time!).