BGM: Phil Collins "Another Day in Paradise"
I heard that Genichiro Takahashi had released the book "In Search Of Lost Tokyo". having an interest in that, I remembered that I had lived in Tokyo while I had been a student of Waseda for the past 4 years. Ah, I had done many ridiculous things while I was a student. When I was a teenager in Shiso, I wished I could live in Tokyo. I thought I never wanted to stay still in this countryside city. The era I adored the Tokyo life as Pizzicato Five's songs... but I couldn't feel better even if I lived in Tokyo, and I came back to this city because I couldn't find any good job.
Ah, and I spent my 20s and 30s like a slug in shadow. I couldn't think of any positive things and just wished if I could die soon or I shouldn't be born in this world, etc. When I was 40, I stopped drinking alcohol. After that, I met various friends fatally and I thought that I had found the mission I have to do in this life. I also found a certain hope in the life of Shiso, and I started making friends step by step... at last, I found the shape of happiness. At last, my life started from that moment. Miracles must happen.
Listening to Phil Collins's "Another Day in Paradise", I suddenly thought that "Could I live in another life?". If the economy in Japan still grew in the 90s, I would get a good job smoothly and I could become a business person who belongs to a good company and could live a rich winner's life. Not this life, but the life with designer's brand suits and a happy marriage, and lovely children. "Happiness" without any suspicion. It could be. Of course, things happen and they are decided by destiny (so we shouldn't ask any 'if' in our history). But thinking about those possibilities might be the most duties for us to treat 'now here' as precious things.
I have read J. D. Salinger's "The Catcher In The Rye". I had been attracted by Holden Caulfield's machinegun talk. Holden was a pretty miserable guy I think. He must have a certain intelligence, and also great imagination. But his talents aren't treated as precious things by others. He is just a person who can't read lines, and also other people are irritated with him. I have to reflect on myself by reading this because I am also a person like Holden. And Salinger approached the person who can't live well at such a close distance. That still knocks my mind vividly.