Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/08/22 English

Today I attended a meeting about autism. Now Hyogo prefecture is under an emergency state so we used ZOOM and did the online one. I confessed the troubles at my company and tried to think how we could solve them. I thought what the work was. Of course, I need money so I work. But just for it means very dull. I want to be happy through the work... or I want to become myself. Or I want to be useful for someone else. These reasons/motivations are important. I should think about the work again for having these ones.

After the meeting, I slept a little and watched Michael Haneke's "Happy End". What is the family? I thought about it. I don't have a good relationship with my family but I never want to forget the fact that my parents brought me up with intimate care. Haneke's this movie doesn't tell us what is happening as a drama, but the members of the family in this movie tried to solve their personal problems which can't be told to someone else. I also tried to kill myself because I couldn't quit my job and confess the problems I had to other people...

That night, I had too much time, therefore, watched the documentary "Why Are We Creative?". This movie was that the director asked the secret of the creativity of Takeshi Kitano or Tarantino, or a lot of other "geniuses". The question that asks "Why Are You Creative?" becomes more profound step by step with asking it to them. Every "genius" has its philosophy and says that "I am who I am". Their smartness makes me fear. I couldn't understand what creativity should be but this trial of gathering these comments can be praised as great work.

I write this again. At 40, I had started stopping drinking alcohol. In addition, I had started watching movies. In the beginning, I couldn't understand why Godard was great. But I am getting used to it. I feel happy because I am changing and going to another stage. This state isn't absolute. I am glad to watch movies because I became understanding them. I will watch more and more. The things I start from now can become some kind of great work unexpectedly. This journal is also the project I started with the spirit a teacher says "Imadesyo! (Now is the time!)". I remember that.