How should I build any proper relationship among co-workers? It has been for me almost "eternal" problem/issue. TBH, I have been feeling a certain isolation while working at the company, because they are all female members (except me.) They easily become friends, and do almost endless small talk during work (except me.) Yes, I am just an outsider at there every moment, therefore feel like I have been hated/disliked completely. What should I do?
Or... I have been making a serious misunderstanding about working itself? I was once taught that any small talk during working must be prohibited, therefore I have obeyed that comment. But it seems I am only one fool that who obeys that rule - Every employees (except me) does their work as they like, and disses me because I don't (or can't) work so seriously as they except.
Should I go back to the friendly concept as "Basically I can't understand any other people completely, so I should give up trying to do so?" Well, I have to write this - I tend to feel that kind of solitude during my life even though I have so many friends in my real life and also on the internet (particularly on Discord, MeWe, WhatsApp and Telegram.) Sorry for saying this because you must think I am too much one to be a friend of yours. In a way, I must be too doubtful, serious coward.
On the app LINE, I sent many messages to my job coach. She has answered to me honestly as I must have been too doubtful (as I have written above). I can see that, and accept that I am possessed by the stubborn bias of being bullied by everyone. But in my mind, there is still a metallic cloud. Can it be disappeared by their true answers toward my doubt/distrust?
I can't see - This sicken idea must have come from the traumatic days during my life. The job coach says she can understand that well. It says I am never alone - and her understanding me gives me a certain power to keep on doing my work, even though I have started thinking if I can do any alternative job by using English.
After today's work, I went back to my group home and fell asleep - probably I have been too tired to keep awake, pressed by really terrible stress/pressure.
