BGM: The Dust Brothers - This Is Your Life (feat. Tyler Durden)
This morning I went to the hospital. At there, I met my doctor and talked about my condition. I honestly confessed about my insomnia, and the doctor changed my medicines a little. We made a promise of meeting with my job coach (threesome). After getting my medicines, I went to Aeon and had a break. Reading Hemingway's short stories a little, I got impressed by the way of the gambler's life which these stories describe. If they get no luck, they don't wasteful action but just wait for the next luck. I am the same. Now is an unlucky period so I should keep my form until the next luck will come. I read other members' comments on LINE, and saw that they are also in the dark and uncertain period. Looking back at my past days, and thinking about the "walls" of my life the destiny brought to me. I had come over those walls. I say that to myself.
This afternoon, listening to Sly & The Family Stone, I made a paper of rating my work for the company. The news said Kenzaburo Oe had passed away, and it stopped me doing that task. I thought about the relationship between me and Kenzaburo Oe. I am, of course, just a reader of him. But I got a lot from his works. Still now, I have a collection paperback of his short stories (selected by himself). Doing that task again, I remembered that I had tried to read his difficult masterpieces because I had believed that I "must" read them. Finally, now I can find that it was too early to try because I can remember almost nothing about them. Thinking this, I think that we should not hurry up to meet any great book. Just waiting for the good timing to meet the books suit for us might be important. It would be happy if we start walking in the "forest" of Kenzaburo Oe's world.
After making that paper, I listened to the Dust Brothers' soundtrack of "Fight Club" and read that collection of Oe's short stories again. I got really impressed by the cool description for the situation with sentimental style, and also the hot confession of the characters' mind. Logic and passion. Both are almost the one, and that brings us his one and only world. And "the anxiety of oneself's existence" and "the danger of this world" are connected in his mind. Then, he is just an "alive" connection itself of them. After he used logical and cool style in a short story, he started using flooding style from the seventeen boy's mind. He was quite a "monster", and I was alive with him in a contemporary time. I pray for him.
Remembering... it was when I was a high school student that I started reading Japanese modern literature. And I joined a university, and Kenzaburo Oe got the Nobel Prize. He was, for me, a "classical" author who got a certain value. But when I read his early novels. I was impressed because they were really interesting actually. He must not be "classic", but "punk". Looking at the world with desperate eyes, but still have a fire in his soul. It has reminded me of Joy Division and The Clash. Or (indeed, these groups are not "punk") U2 and Manic Street Preachers. Their music and Kenzaburo Oe are near... but this kind of foolish idea is just for me. I might walk inside the "forest" of Oe's novels.
