I worked late today. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting. After that, I went to the main house of my group home. After I enjoyed chitchatting for a while with the staff, the admins, and the members, I started reading a famous Japanese interpreter, Mari Yonehara's essay about translation and interpretation [米原万里『不実な美女か貞淑な醜女か』]. Although every morning I tend to feel a strong anxiety without any certain/clear reasons, and I even want to escape from here to anywhere, that Yonehara's essay has helped me think about several things.
In this essay, she explains that one's brain can work as a kind of black box or a converter, in which there is an enigmatic mechanism that can't be seen from the outside. I can see what she is telling. In my case, my brain is also (at least, for me) a huge black box. Why do I write several fragments of ideas in English on the memo pad daily? Why do I tend to get attracted to those kinds of very "abstract", "complicated", and even "difficult" ideas?
As I've written in this diary, everyone here uses Japanese to deliver their wills. I also usually use Japanese in my daily life. However, when I start having my pen and my memo pad, English starts flooding from somewhere (exactly, from my black box) onto this memo pad, even though my English writings must contain plenty of mistakes. It's interesting.
After I enjoyed reading Yonehara's essay, I started drawing as doodle art. I shared it with my friends on several social media platforms. Even though I took only 30 minutes to draw it (so, it was never any "serious" one to be a masterpiece), my friends seemed to be pleased. I'm glad to see that.
From 1 p.m., I started today's work. Starting at 3 p.m., I saw my current job coach at my workplace. There, we discussed several topics a lot. Even though we had a meaningful time, that job coach's question, "How's your job?" was very difficult (or even "too abstract") for me because I couldn't see what she wanted me to ask about. What was she asking about? MY mental issues or physical issues? I couldn't see what she was asking, so I just had to be quiet. Yes, this is autism.
