(At first, I pray for Fukushima)
I worked early today. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting and started work at 10 a.m. During work time, I thought about this: As I've written in these diaries, I had to experience being bullied by classmates at school when I was a kid. Once, I read a Japanese famous sociologist Shinji Miyadai's opinion about this sort of bullying. He said like this: If I tried to "defeat" that absurd bullying event by force (for example, beating the classmates with my fist, etc.), then I would start thinking that any communication/negotiation by force (in other words, not by faith or trust) can rule our relationships. I can understand what he said now.
How can I build the "healthy" or "normal" trustworthy relationships with others without relying on the fist? Miyadai also told us how hard the bullying experiment of being ignored by classmates can harm our minds. Yes, I also can understand this opinion. In my teenage days, I had to experience a pure/genuine "isolation" from any connection/relationship with others literally, instead, I just had to escape into quite a bookish state of mind. In other words, I couldn't have trained the communication skills even though the teenage era should require the training time of such primal techniques (I respect Erich Fromm, so I believe his theory which tells us that we must learn how to love others artificially bit by bit).
How should I trust such primal essence in our relationships? Since 40, when I started joining a self-help group about autism, I have kept showing my true self in that group, even showing failures in public. Even though the other members aren't professional psychologists or specialists who can heal my wounded soul completely, just their literally infinite tenderness works for me as a sort of "starter" that lets my emotions lighten. Maybe, like this, the true "faith" in our relationships can be trained with everyday tiny experiences we enjoy together, not with any brainy thinking.
After today's work, I went to the English conversation class this evening. Today was the final lesson of this season, so we enjoyed chatting and also playing some games. Certainly, these casual pleasant activities also can work for our "tight" connection. At least, I believe (or "trust") so.
