As I have written in this journal, I will become 50 in July 2025. This year is certainly a milestone for me because it is the 10th year since I restarted learning English. Also, in the 10th year when I joined a self-help group to see how I am autistic. I also decided to quit drinking alcohol forever with the help of the "danshu [断酒]" meeting.
How was my life before I decided to restart learning English? Now, I can't tell... However, even though all I can write about that era must be colored by the "current" idea, I want to describe that era as a totally grey, "cloudy" one which had no sign for me to show any brilliant future or any personal salvage. With a drunken head, I probably could try to have a too-huge daydream/fantasy, which was certainly making me unhappier. Now, all I can remember about that era is just this: All I had done was just to work, to drink, and to sleep. All I could hope was just to vanish quietly, forever from this world.
I won't say that alcohol must be prohibited. Alcohol can work for "other people" who can treat it properly as a sort of "oil" or "energy drink" which makes them think about several things positively or flexibly. And, for me, alcohol must be a terrible drug or a ticket to hell. Now, with this clean head, I can enjoy driving my motorbike, reading books, or walking in public places. Even now, I get tempted to drink cool beer on a hot day like some commercial/advertisement videos or my favorite novels like Haruki Murakami's or Charles Bukowski's appeal (also, I want to add some of Massive Attack's songs). However, probably that's life.
After today's work (I worked early today), even though I was worrying if it would snow in the evening, I decided to go to the English conversation class. Until the class began, eventually I read the coming English Studying Club's English text I had gotten as homework, "The Boy Who Lived" (probably a part of "Harry Potter"). After that, I joined the class. There, we enjoyed learning about what kind of personality tests we can use to describe our characters/personalities (MBTI, Zodiac, Blood Type tests, etc.). I remembered the "WAIS" test I did when I was diagnosed as an autistic person. Life goes on...
