I worked early today. Although everyone can have this kind of feeling (at least once or twice in one's life, I guess), this afternoon suddenly I felt that the scenery in front of me must be truly a miraculous phenomenon. It meant that I was almost impressed and frozen by the fact that everyone must have their ego, their precious dignity, or their precious life (in short, their uniqueness). I can't tell why, but now I can appreciate the fact that I'm alive with this warm body, a well-working mind, and also several friends around me. Thinking about this, I tend to go back to my childhood memories (as I've mentioned several times).
Yesterday, I tried to think about my past period when I had been soaked into a really "extreme" leftism (from this viewpoint, it must be almost a sort of conspiracy). It was when I was a high school student (in my teenage), and those "extreme" theories tried to analyze/criticize everything by their too-correct ideas (it means simply "inhuman" and too-logical). You would laugh at me (I also look back at that period with embarrassment). However, even now I tend to be attracted to any correctness's magical, even enigmatic power.
During today's lunchtime, I enjoyed several "emotional" songs such as Jimmy Eat World. I can't tell what you would think about me, but TBH I am so autistic that I tend to get tempted/moved by too random emotions within me, which tends to let me live quite a stressful, "random", or "chaotic" life like a sort of gamble. Maybe I couldn't forgive that randomness in me certainly (because of this really "stubborn" autistic character), so I tried to give a clear priority to my logical thinking ability over my emotions. In other words, I tried to live like a human-machine (a so-called android), even though it was simply impossible.
When I tried to pretend myself as such a very sad machine, I tried to "defeat" anyone in several discussions (especially on Twitter) with my logical thinking. Oh my! Maybe it can be so close to the so-called notorious "tone policing", but now I want to be careful for how delicately I try to deliver my messages to others with my tone besides what I should try to verbalize as truly unique opinions of mine.
