Even though I knew that everything had already ended, and also I had done what I could have done completely, the inner wound I had gotten still hurts. Shouldn't I have done such a too-bold thing? Before I decided to do that, should I have shared my plan with some trustworthy people? TBH, I still can't tell myself about this. Oh, THIS emotion! Within me, IT keeps driving me so crazy toward a self-destructive state. Shouldn't I have such a very funny emotion called love? Anyway, life goes on.
I had a day off today. This morning, I went to the hospital to see my doctor (yes, the monthly meeting to check/manage my autistic mind). After that, I went to the group home's main house, where I saw the sub-admin. At first, before I talked to her about what the doctor and I had discussed in that meeting, I needed to confess my truths, even though it could be very poisonous. However, she accepted my silly confession with her sunshine-like smile, and embraced me with her infinite tenderness.
I went to the city office to renew the note for an autistic person (for accepting various welfare). After having a lunchbox, I took a very, very deep nap. This afternoon, I literally had no energy to do any creative activities; I just enjoyed the rest of Yukio Mishima's novel "Confessions of a Mask". Suddenly, I wanted to write my own "Confessions", even though that trial couldn't have been done so long.
This evening, a friend in Kyusyu shared some interesting information on WhatsApp: one of the famous department stores in Japan started using the word "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". It must be interesting because even in Japan some people seem to start thinking about how to make this season's atmosphere less religious. In this small country, there still is strong mental pressure which makes us think that we should spend the "Happy Holidays" with the lover (very heterosexual and, in a way, intolerant!).
However, as you can see easily, the moods are certainly changing. I agree with the trial of using the word/term "Happy Holidays". However, this sounds too cynical though, I need to be careful to see that it can only end as adding a "tasty" label to the old-fashioned concept of "Merry Christmas".
