On WhatsApp, this morning I talked about the environment of English education and culture in Japan with a friend in Kyusyu. I shared one of the interesting books I recently read, "English Hierarchy [佐々木テレサ・福島青史『英語ヒエラルキー』]" and told my opinions about this book, and also how the pressure to become so-called "global people" can "press" us to lose our self-esteem completely (as I have written in these journals nowadays). I think such too-severe inner pressure to become "globalized" guys can also make us vent any exclusive attitudes in public. He told me that, whether we wish or not, from now on our country has to expect this society to become so globalized that in schools there would be several foreign students (immigrants) as a usual scenery. I agreed with him and started thinking about what I could do actually.
This morning, I also enjoyed reading the great poet Shuntaro Tanikawa's poems. Oh, once, I even tried to write my original poems following him because his Japanese is very charming and smart. In other words, he has shown how the Japanese language can have its fertile taste in itself. Although this comment must sound very abstract, for me, he has been a very POP poet (or literally a pop star?) in this country, like Paul McCartney, who must be one of the biggest pop stars of this era.
As I have written in this diary, for me this winter season sometimes recalls too-cruel, too-traumatic memories. Or, in a way, my BODY (or my unconsciousness) still remembered those days therefore even now I tend to feel sad or desperate, and even start dreaming of disappearing from this world completely. This evening, I couldn't stand keeping such sad emotions in me therefore, I finally shared my rants about my company (especially, my ex-bosses who once led me to the end of my life) on LINE. Soon, some friends answered me by sending intimate messages. They said I would be able to vent my emotions as freely as I could.
Absolutely, I am so grateful for their comments. However, what can I do to this sad mood or pain from my inner wounds of traumatic events? Even though I try to endure them and start understanding other co-workers who wouldn't try to understand me (because that's definitely the one choice I can make right now), I have to feel how I can waste my time and vitality... Playing various sad songs such as Elliott Smith's, Nick Drake's, and Mogwai's, I thought about them.
