TBH, I couldn't sleep well yesterday so I enjoyed chatting for a while on Discord at 4 am, and that caused me a lot because in the morning I felt so sleepy. I had a day off today and tried to go to bed again however the outside was too bright to do so. Giving up, I went to the library to borrow some books and went to AEON to do my morning activity, which was to write down various ideas on my memo pad as usual. But nothing had come to the surface of my consciousness, therefore I returned to my room and tried to go to bed again. OH NO!
At 1:30 pm, after having lunch, I joined an important meeting at the main house of my group home again. There, we discussed my job. However, although I couldn't tell the reason why I had started to say that, I told to the other members about my terrible past traumas as I had written here and there (in my 30s, I had driven myself to the almost end of this life), and also told about the weekly "danshu" meeting where I often join and release my mind at.
Remembering these things eventually by telling them. even though my brain still hadn't worked well, I could have gotten a certain positive force within my mind as a warm essence (yes, I could feel warmth!). The other members praised me a lot because I could have been keeping those activities steady. Besides that "danshu" meeting and the English conversation class, I also join a self-help group and also the English studying club. What a busy guy I am. Anyway, after that I went back to my room. There, I just spent my time doing nothing special by dinner time.
After having dinner, I laid my body on the bed again with a sleepy head. What a day!). Taking a nap (even though in the evening time. Therefore, I couldn't join the "danshu" meeting), I enjoyed reading for a while [斉藤章佳・にのみやさをり『性暴力の加害者となった君よ、すぐに許されると思うなかれ』, which must be too difficult to translate into English however it could be "Criminal, You can't be forgiven by your sexual crime so soon"]. After enjoying that, listening to Elliott Smith's marvelous songs, I tried to remember my past again, when I had thought about myself as a victim in the world, and also wanted to be a great guy (with a huge desire for approval by others on the vast global internet world). However, it seems no enough space left to write down these here.
