This morning, I had to experience a tiny amount of trouble personally. Literally, it was my fault and I had to endure a sort of very confused/uncomfortable state of mind for a while. Even though I had already understood within my brain that I just needed a certain time to recover from that sickened state, it was a very terrible moment like hell... I remember once I read a post on Twitter, which had taught me that autistic people tend to feel very, very tired of living their lives because of the characters in their brains. As an autistic person, I agree with this opinion.
I must have too sensitive, or too hard-working senses in my mind (but, of course, it won't mean that I am better than anyone simply). I even never say I have such a pure soul/mind (I believe that within various dirty states of mind, paradoxically, any beautiful essences can exist certainly as great soul music bangers represent). However, at least as an owner of this very, terribly bothersome mind, I had to think about how the relationship between my soul and body can be at today's lunchtime.
Maybe, as I have written above, my senses are working too flexibly for me to live an ordinary life... Once, I got very deeply ashamed (not "embarrassed") of this therefore I even tried to become numb enough to live smoothly (and I even believed that it could mean the idea of becoming stronger or tougher enough to be a normalized, even a masculine guy). However, even though I try to get tougher or more numb, once I have gotten damage somewhere it starts causing pain. Then, I just have to stay calm and endure that pain, because that pain might make me a better guy essentially, even though the fact of being autistic can never be changed anymore.
This evening, after today's work, I joined a Zoom meeting with my friends. There, a friend did an interesting presentation about an issue about how we can solve our garbage/rubbish problem as our common issue. Even though it was so great, as I have written above today's hard/tough experiences had already made me tired therefore I couldn't tell my opinions to them... But they allowed that. Oh, besides these meetings on Thursdays, since about these ten years, my personal relationship has been becoming certainly richer.
Oh, I forgot to tell you this. Happy Halloween!
