I remember it could be 1995, when I accessed the Internet for the first time as a college student (so sweet 20). At that time, I was just nothing but a relatively ignorant, and even innocent guy who simply believed the possibility of conversation with complete strangers. So, when I started using the Internet, I got into the vast, profound cyberspace eventually and enjoyed the taste of real, serious communication. Yes, it was "before" this era when social media covered all over the world completely.
In that era, TBH I admired various adult users who had already accessed the net very flexibly, and also smartly with their sophisticated attitudes (even though their ages could be just 40s or 50s yet). I asked this question again and again. "Why can they declare their unique opinions with such very proudful attitudes/sounds?" and "How will I be able to follow them? Should I read books more to be like them?" etc. You would laugh at this (but, imagine this. In that period I had no friends at all therefore my world had consisted of my small bedroom, the college's library, and cyberspace), and also I confess that I am now feeling very embarrassed with typing this.
Time has passed certainly... Recently, I remembered the memories I've written above. Now, I can show my attitude with a certain self-esteem, and a clear pride in the world. However, that never means that I am perfect enough therefore making no mistakes at all (NEVER forget this... Even the AI makes mistakes!). Then, why can I show this imperfect, very uncool figure of mine in public? TBH, I can't tell. Probably, I have gotten used to getting hurt by various cruel comments on various social media.
Or... since now, I have trained myself, and my heart with my friends by doing various collaborations such as Zoom meetings. Those real events have allowed me to make silly mistakes with the participants' kindness. Now, I can feel that eventually, I can draw some lines as boundaries between me and other people (especially, cruel and cynical people who even pretend to be critics). Maybe those training opportunities could be the ones I have needed in my young, and very stray period...
