I worked early today. This morning, I sent a few LINE messages to the admins of my group home about how we would deliver the pic in the building where the coming exhibition would be held (yes, I had asked them because I couldn't get a day off for this). Although I had worried about this, it seemed that everything went alright.
I remember... maybe it had been a summer day. An owner of the book café recommended that I draw my original picture. If it were 10 years ago (the era when I hadn't met my job coach yet), I would not have any confidence in myself, so I could refuse this offer... After that offer, I bought a collection of crayons and started my drawing trial.
Looking at these facts, I can't stop feeling thankful for how I am being surrounded by several kind, cool people. That owner, the admins, the job coach... Oh, 10 years ago, when I still drank a lot of alcohol, basically I had been a sad, abandoned, and lonesome guy therefore I just had to try to enjoy spending my days with only alcohol, the internet, and a huge selfish daydream/obsession. "If I could make my FULL effort to a certain purpose, I would be able to achieve a huge milestone..." I still can remember this delusive obsession once I had kept it in my mind.
Of course, it can be a sort of banal story, especially the one about young people's adolescence (even though it must have been when I was in my 30s). When I was in my youthful days, I literally made no special effort in my daily life... Reflecting on this, I want to say again that I have walked to THIS current point with plenty of help from my friends. I wouldn't be able to achieve THIS if I were alone.
Oh my gosh. When I was completely alone (totally isolated from any other relationships) I just kept on feeding my inner animal/beast which "encouraged" me to become a superhero and go over any other classmates with its obsessive voice, maybe coming from my inferior complex and trauma. Now, I can obey MY true voice which says I can do what I want (oh, this positive tone sounds like Oasis's evergreen tune "Whatever")!
After today's work, I went to a library next to my town to borrow Haruki Murakami's debut novel, "Hear The Wind Sing".
