Recently, I've been thinking repetitively about Muhammad Ali's this quote: "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life". As I have written in these serial journals, I will be 50 next year and want to think that I could have changed (and even grown) certainly, even though I usually enjoy Haruki Murakami's novels, Blur's marvelous albums such as "Parklife" and "The Great Escape", and even dreaming I would be able to meet my soul mate as if I could still stay being 20 at heart (by the way, how about the "woman" who views the world as Ali says?).
I had a day off today. I went to AEON to enjoy reading this morning, but couldn't get into anything, so I finally gave up. I moved to a library and borrowed Koutarou Sawaki's brilliant travelogue "Midnight Express" again. After that, I went to the main house of my group home to see the admin to get this week's money for me. There, we discussed some issues.
After leaving there, I had lunch and took a nap, and... suddenly, maybe as you have already expected though, it seemed to me that everything had been absolutely a huge cluster of crap, therefore I started trying to change my mood by playing marvelous songs of Delta Blues on Spotify. Now (literally, right NOW), I recall the quote by Ali from the limbo within my brain and try to think how this life can have been changed by various struggles/challenges I have done. However... Could I have changed?
Yes, some precise essences in my life could have changed... When I was 20, I could never enjoy how Delta Blues, various soul music, and Jazz were so marvelous (even though in my college days some senior students recommended I should enjoy them, and even they made me a collection of them by rending their cassette tapes!). However, looking at the root in my mind, I find that the core (a so-called "inner child"?) in me can have been still the same. I still keep loving Blur, Massive Attack, and Primal Scream. Why does this kind of thing happen? Couldn't I have learned anything even though I had lived a tough life? I believe I must be wrong about this, so have to think about it again!
