I try to remember how I was, how my life was about 10 years ago or more... especially before I met the tool discord. Then, it can mean that I couldn't have met any tool to connect myself to the global "third place" actually to enjoy releasing my mood (and also, to learn English like this too). Let's go back to the past days more, toward the days I hadn't started learning English again yet, and also just had been soaked into a very vast sea of alcohol.
At that time, I had strictly believed that I had to find one and only, absolute answer which would lead me to the ultimate happiness, or the very great truth which would never be changed. Therefore, I tried to find out the "answer" from various books such as Haruki Murakami, Herman Hesse, and J. D. Salinger. Also, I had been haunted by that obsession and therefore tried to discuss it with other users on Twitter and other social media.
There must be the one and only, correct answer... However, now I guess that it would be the "too-universal" answer if it could be possible. Or, "too-correct", "too-absolute" etc... Getting older (I believe that it means I have become a calm, mature adult), I started finding that there can be "alternative" truth from another point of view. For example, autism means a sort of disorder or handicap (even it can mean it must be "strangeness" or "extraordinary essence" because of its "too-much" character), but it also can be put onto the gradation which can connect us (autistic ones and neurotypical ones can have the same characters), and so on.
It can be said that truths can have paradoxical, controversial, very sensitive essences within them. Therefore, you can choose several stances/attitudes in front of that absurd true/real figure of this world. Me, I choose to become a sort of doubtful, thoughtful, or skeptical one who believes in so-called relativism, and even try reading plenty of paradoxical books to do experiences actually within my mind to make chemical fusion, even though it requires me a certain amount of toughness in my mentality.
After today's work, I read Shunsuke Tsurumi's essays again.
