I worked late today. This morning, at AEON I started reading a book as usual, playing The Police's "Synchronicity". However, because I had not slept well, I couldn't concentrate on reading or writing my English notes (and also, the annoying dizziness remained somewhere in my head). Therefore, I changed the music to something Spotify suggested randomly, then it started The Soup Dragons' song "I'm Free". Although I couldn't see what this song was about, my sleepy head started thinking what the concept of "freedom" could mean for me.
I'm now feeling a certain, clear pleasure in the process of learning English. As I wrote yesterday, about 10 years ago when I was told by my job coach "Your English is very clean and easy for me to understand!". And about the same time, some friends on MeWe praised my English as a cool one... Before those events, TBH for me learning English had been simply a very troublesome "duty" or "task" to enter any good college, and also become richer.
However, now I can declare to this world. Those events set a fire in my mind to start this adventure/quest to become free, or more liberated. But... at this point, I have to ask one question to me. Why do I think becoming fluent can mean becoming free? Paradoxically, maybe the more I learn English as strictly as possible from the bottom of my soul, the more I have to be bound by English's rules very tightly. Therefore, I should keep on trying to understand Japanese culture's beauty... with a sort of sense of humor, too. Looking back... I couldn't have understood this paradox, therefore, couldn't try to have a soft/flexible attitude toward these two languages.
At break time at my office, I sent some messages to my friends about writing my own "memoir", which must contain how I have been living/enjoying this life with a lot of mates. But my autistic character will disturb its progress... However, as I wrote yesterday, I want to leave at least one thing, one achievement to this world as a present, a souvenir of mine. For example, writing letters to a fictional character I always love, Marco Stanley Fogg who appears in Paul Auster's "Moon Palace", as I once tried...
