Today I worked late. This morning, I attended an English Zoom meeting to practice my speaking skills with other members. Today's topic was an interesting experiment that says that dogs can see how depressed their masters are (by sniffing their smells). After that, on Discord I got some messages from a friend. That friend asked me about the fact that I am autistic, and also how hard I had to struggle to survive until now. I need to think about "The Long and Winding Road"; I have been walking on this road throughout my life.
After that, I went to AEON to enjoy reading the book, Jie-Hyun Lim's "Victimhood Nationalism [林志弦『犠牲者意識ナショナリズム』]". However, maybe because it was already too hot, I couldn't concentrate on reading this great book enough. So I gave up reading this book and started thinking about various things. For example, how have I been created like this self, this personality?
When I was young, as I have always written in these journals, I was treated as a too unique, too strange guy and therefore can't make any friends. At least, from my viewpoint at that period (my pretty desperate school days as hell), no one could have had their worth to be believed/trusted. So, I read plenty of books to ease my mind and survive... Even though, NOW I can see that actual human communications will bring me up to any higher stage.
As Jie-Hyun Lim writes, and also other many philosophers say, I have been a result/junction of what I have learned during this life (the books I have read, the people I have met, and so on...). In other words, I am not alone. You would get angry or suspicious by reading this, but in this head, there are plenty of fragmental memories of various cultural things (especially, by reading "Victimhood Nationalism" I remembered a sort of holocaust in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, even though I am never an observer/survivor at those events).
In my mind, various memories (some of them must be very controversial) are there. Probably that's because I have been learning philosophy on my way, for trying to stand far from this point to get liberated from any bias, any frames of recognition (you must get angry about this, but I even ask myself if war can be essentially/ultimately good or bad personally, and write the ideas on my memo pad in English).
