I had a day off. This morning, I thought about this: When I talk about myself, it is inevitable that I will consider these facts. I am male, Japanese, and autistic, etc. In other words, these facts certainly created me as this person, even though I have never wished to be like this... And when I was young, I started to be interested in the concept of "diaspora" or other cosmopolitan/international ideas because I had to face my strange identity/uniqueness by being bullied by classmates.
However, even though in my opinion those ideas must contain tolerance toward other people, at that period my attitude could have been too exclusive and stubborn to accept any other opinions that tried to criticize/doubt my childish/incomplete ones. Honestly (and also, with shame) I write this: in those days I strictly believed that this isle country must have been an out-of-date, uncool one, therefore a sort of "fools' paradise". So, I certainly hated any Japanese essences, especially nationality itself. I am writing this again... I have written these things with huge shame.
However, certainly, after 40 when I started learning English, I found that the more I've been trying to learn English, the more I've been getting various things about this country through the discussions of just simple chitchat with other people. Oh, life can have this kind of primal paradoxical truth. Now, I think I can have a certain esteem in this country, which doesn't work as any exclusive attitudes toward other foreigners (however, about this I just need a more decent trial of thinking about the issues about migrants/immigrants, which might be occurring in any other countries).
This afternoon, I went to a book café in this town. At first, I just wanted to enjoy chatting and also having a certain discussion about my issues personally (about love/romance, and also other mental problems). However, the owner who is also an artist suggested that I should draw my pic originally onto a large canvas. As I have written in these journals, I have never enjoyed drawing any pic by now. At least, my skills of drawing must be too poor to draw something... But he said I could "draw" English letters as a sort of graffiti. I started having an interest in this wonderful suggestion.
