I worked early today. This lunchtime, I had a question. How can I define the meaning of the concept of "being fluent (in any language)"? Because TBH even now I can't have any confidence in me about communication in English. I tend to doubt if I am fluent or not... And basically, even in Japanese conversation I always (yes, ALWAYS) feel like I am a stray boy who has just begun learning the language.
Some people (especially, modern philosophers) tend to praise "having difficulty in using any language (even in their mother tongue)" which can reveal the brand new, truly "creative" potentiality within the language. However, at least for me, I even wish I could be fluent actually in English or Japanese enough to express my will/opinions properly. About this, I tend to go back to the memories of Haruki Murakami's masterpieces. I remember that he had started a question about basic communication issues in his debut novel.
As you have already read my writing above, my words tend to become too complicated (actually, they show how dumb I must be). How hard I had wished I could be truly "fluent", "expert" enough to tell my will freely... However, after having been diagnosed as an autistic guy, I had to face the fact that I couldn't become a new person. And, maybe (yes, I say MAYBE) that can be no bad for me anymore because this world's common senses have been certainly changing, therefore the meaning/definition of "being fluent" might be changing eventually.
Probably, when I was a kid, I had to face my classmates' childish cruel malice which certainly "brainwashed" me as I must have been a crazy, creepy, strange kid who had no worth to be in this world... Certainly, that's an old story, therefore, I should forget it completely, however, I can't do so even with how hard I have tried.
This evening, I attended the English conversation class. It was the final lesson day, and in the late half of that class, we had some snacks and sweets to relieve our pressure and enjoyed chatting. Needless to say, these classes must be the crystal of various people's hard work. The teachers who always teach us fresh essential English, the International Association Group in this town, etc. I just say "Thank you so much" to them...
