This morning, a friend sent me a private direct message on Discord. Even though I can't publicly tell its details, it lets me think about the complicated concept of "human rights". How have I been facing this concept during this life as an autistic, therefore a sort of "handicapped" person who needs a certain help from other people, and also the welfare system in this society itself? It must be a fascinating issue to think about.
As I have written in these journals, basically I am only an employee of a company therefore have never been a student who has done steady studying about this issue as an academician. I am just telling a simple fact... Besides having the experience of reading plenty of books about human rights and equality (from so-called "light novels" to classical literature and philosophy), I have been learning these concepts through various outside activities such as working, attending meetings, and more. Certainly, they have given me many lessons.
This morning, I went to the hospital to see my doctor. We talked for a while, but last night I didn't have enough sleep time therefore I couldn't tell him properly what I had been having as my main troubles. This afternoon, my job coach and I met each other at my workplace and we had a meeting. A co-worker joined in that meeting, and we three had time to discuss for a while. I told the co-worker my true feelings about her, and also my traumatic memories.
However... suddenly, a voice from somewhere in my mind said to me "Is it true?" and "You're making a lie". I accept these as true. Indeed, from the "fair" viewpoint, when I was a kid (under teenage) I joined/helped other kids' actions of bullying in a school. Yes, I can remember... therefore I am never an innocent guy who just has been bullied as one-sided. Of course, I confess and admit this fact I have written above as a truly shameful one, therefore (even though I can't "delete" that shameful event... or I "shouldn't" do so), I swear I try to live as fair and individual as I can... even though thinking about this, I have to face this fact as I am just a Japanese coward who is a daydreaming introvert pervert.
