I worked late today. This morning, I read Levy Hideo's "Bilingual Excitement [リービ英雄『バイリンガル・エキサイトメント』]" until halfway through it. As a teenager who adored Haruki Murakami, I tried to find out what theme I should write so much. It could mean I should have tried to find out my mission in this life. I believe that everyone must have their unique mission/purpose in each one's life (even though this world doesn't afford us any equality, but cruelly does us so-called diversity/differences).
What can be my mission in this life? As I have written in these journals, I am already in my late 40s but even wondering about this question. Some people can find out their missions at a young period. But their lives are not my life... As for me, I had to endure/survive the terrible drunken period (almost in my 20s and 30s) with having certain burning fire in my mind... Then, what could have been my compass in this life? What could I have trusted as a tiny belief in this life?
Probably, I can describe that as a certain primitive, burning fire of passion. I write this by using "probably" because even now I can't tell it exactly (it certainly exists within my mind like a soul). In other words, it can be an "impulse" that always rules/controls me. After having lunch, I enjoyed McCoy Tyner's playing for a while. TBH when I was young, I didn't have any interest in Jazz music. However, the more I have gotten older, the more I have become interested in cool Jazz. Yes, this is also a wonderful fact in this life for me.
At a break time at my work, a friend of mine shared with me about England's election. I checked the news and found out a new change happened there. I can't tell the whole political scenery of Japan as a professional commentator, but at least on X or other social media, there seems a certain cynicism has been ruling people. About this, I can't give any absolutely "correct" answer at all... however, I can't give up having any hope for the future. I just keep on trying to have diligent conversations with trustworthy people and learn various things bit by bit. I believe that can be my best solution and even my mission. At least, it can work effectively for me.
