I worked early today. This morning, I could have succeeded in finding a certain, proper relationship distance between other co-workers and me. Not too far from everyone to deliver my own wills/opinions, but also not too close to them to share my info strongly... I felt I got that clue certainly, therefore I could work very positively from my viewpoint. I almost felt that I could become a kind of "pro" of my work, or "specialist" of this life.
I remembered that a manual book for English learners described this kind of "leaping beyond the gap" touch in learning. Then, I must have been able to take this feeling of "leaping" as mine... At lunchtime, I looked at other people at the food court where I was sitting. Probably from them, I am just a nameless person. In a way, that's an important fact... But also from this person who is writing this memo, I am the most important main character in this world.
Then, there must be paradoxical stances/attitudes. I "imagine" that they treat me as a piece of stone (it sounds like Pascal's philosophy), but also I "believe" that I must treat myself as a great tool that enables me to build great things like sculptures, buildings, or something else.
After today's work, I went to the English conversation class. There, I found that there were fewer members than we had in the usual lessons. Today's lesson was about travelling, and TBH it was so difficult one for me because I don't enjoy travelling so often. I tried to catch up on the topics the teachers taught us, and also the other students talking.
I'm now wondering... My English (especially oral expression) is fine with you? Even in Japanese, I can't speak well at all. However, on Discord and the real situations I have tried to enjoy various talking "sessions". Therefore I feel I have been getting better actually, even though it can't be "fluent" or "natural" to you. Going back to my group home, I prepared for tomorrow's health check I will get at my workplace. Oh, June will end soon and I will become 49 on July 3rd...
