BGM: Little Creatures - THINGS TO HIDE
This morning I remembered that today was the day of 1989 Tiananmen Square protests and massacre. I talked about that with a Chinese friend. He told me that "Our government's response was right". "At least, I think so when I think about the current economic development in this country". TBH, about this I had thought strictly that "democracy is sublime", so I was surprised by that. And, although it was too obvious, I thought there could be the real face of China I had never imagined. Indeed, confessing this could mean how I am foolish but I had thought that China could be the place under the political pressure. The government could check their communication and people had to endure it, etc. But that China could be in my brain only. I thought I had learned an important thing. We talked each other in English, and this event also taught me that this kind of learning or finding is a key to keep on learning English and exploring different cultures. On Discord, I kept on talking about this massacre and people felt disgusted about me at last.
I read Edward W. Said's "Representation of the Intellectuals". I had read this book once if my memory is firm. It was 1995, when I was a 20 years old young idiot. Said criticizes the intellectuals who use specific words to be proud of their intelligence in this book. The REAL intellectual must not be the ones who stand at any higher stage, supports any establishments, but stand by the people to resist the tyranny. At that time, I was a young and idiotic person so agreed with this completely. I even tried to "copy" his attitude in my lifestyle and thought "Revolving against the pressure must be the meaning of being an intellectual". Oh my, I was really young! I feel really embarrassed. Now, reading it in a calm head, I thought how idiotic I was. I guess Said is trying to say more sensitive, important opinions in this book (This book is never difficult to read/understand. The logic of this is really clear). I am now 47, and started being able to enjoy this book.
I guess that reading Said's books are not trying to "pretend to understand that" or "saying I can understand that". I should keep on thinking about them slowly and honestly. About the concept "Orientalism" by him, at least according to my understanding, it couldn't be "never discriminate the Orient" but "think about why this world can be divided by the Europe and the Orient" (but about this, I need to read the "Orientalism" again). For example, Said tells me that the intellectuals are always trying to seek for the universal truth. But I need to stop reading, and start thinking carefully. What is the universal truth? This can sound banal, but it might be correct that "there are many truths as the number of people". Especially, in this internet era, this world shows that it has eventually been divided. Then, trying to believe that we can reach the universal ones can be the trial of keeping on thinking step by step. Said could be the person who had not stopped that kind of thinking with a certain will.
It seems that today is the day of looking back at my youthful days. I enjoyed chatting a little on clubhouse. At there, the person said to me that "I could find that you have a lot of friends because you talk about them a lot. You are truly thinking about friends really preciously". I was surprised by that because once I couldn't believe anyone as my friends, and tried to think that I would be able to live alone without any friends (or live with books and music as my ones). At least, by my 20s I had lived such a lonesome life. Even though when I was a heavy drinker, I just spent my days with drinking alone, unless I would went to any bars or pubs with someone else. Now I can feel that there are a lot of my friends. Of course, we are just sending text messages each other and that's all. But I trust those friends of mine. Japan, France, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Indonesia, etc. As I always write in this journal, I have been learning a lot from them. Then, this huge desire for someone else in me can be allowed as a emotional engine to boost my curiosity.