BGM: The Stone Roses - Fools Gold
A band from The UK, The Stone Roses, sings their song "I Wanna Be Adored". Yes, I'm impressed that it's quite a honest attitude. But, I even can feel certainly that the emotion of "I Wanna Be Adored" occurs in me. Of course, I neve want to lose the modesty to let myself into that kind of too proud emotion. But I confess that I had lived with naming myself as "I am just a human junk". So I say to myself, "Quite a great change", with a little bit cynically. Probably it's simply from my desire which comes from the fact I have been affirmed and praised by the "danshu" meeting and another meeting about autism. But, needless to say, I should show a certain result. Without that, any proudful comments would end as a silly "big mouth" in the end. I should show any result. Now I can't show it. I shouldn't get enough of the 600 days diary.
After finishing reading Koutarou Sawaki's "Bourbon Street", I started his "Chain Smoking". In this book an essay titled as "Too Old" appears. It's the comparison between the boxing's reality that over 40s boxers should go away from the ring and the reality of journalism (in this world, they can be active until the end of their lives). It's really a profound essay to read. I am now 48 years old, and now I'm thinking that the current job would be my life work as a business person. Maybe until my senior age (the retirement age)... Basically, I started my job from the motivation as "I might be able to keep on doing for over half a year", so I couldn't predict that this would be long as now. That could be a life. But, how would I live, I would have to experience to go down from the "peak". I, however at least, want to keep the will to climb up to become a great person in my mind. My vitality fades away, but my personality as a human being could get richer until the end (of course, it must not be so easy because that's life).
I got a message from a woman from Russia, who we met on Facebook. We exchanged the messages. I said that I had been from Waseda university, learned English literature and still now read as an activity of my free time, been diagnosed as an autistic person in 2007, been working as a handicapped person... I thought myself as a survivor of a "complicated" life. But I have to explain about this with the unknown economic depression of Japan and also I am from the "lost generation" from that. She seems to find a clue from my experiences because she has children who show some autistic characters. But I have never known any information about autism from Russia, and also have been single whole of my life. So all I just can say is "Sorry, I can say nothing". I am ashamed because of this fact,. But if my friends could say some advice as supporters from Japan to help her, I would be a translator between them (I wish it wouldn't end in vain).
This evening I attended a meeting on ZOOM. It was about the life in an isle of Japan. I never had any interest in it, so I could learn how the life of the isle next to Korea could be. I need to get improved this sense of internationalism so it was a precious learning. After that, I didn't want to read more so just did hangout on Discord. I enjoyed an user's trial of translating Yasunari Kawabata's "Snow Country" and thought how I could do that as mine (of course, it is absolutely impossible for me). And I read an introduction of Charmers' book "Reality+". I searched for the info about that book at the site of the library, and found that they are in there so decided to read them. It can happen, therefore I can't stop wasteful hangout. TBH I have never read Charmer's books (I just know him as a father of the concept "philosophical zombies"). Does this book lead me to the philosophy again?