跳舞猫日録

Life goes on brah!

2023/03/20 English

BGM: 大江千里 - WE ARE TRAVELLIN' BAND

Today I worked late. This morning I finished reading Shohei Ohoka's "Seijou Press III" with a collaboration by Alva Noto and Ryuichi Sakamoto. This is a journal written in 1985, and it recalled my aspiration for the 80s. I belong to "Lost Generation", which has lived a hard life after the recession with dreaming "bubble economy". Indeed, we shouldn't overrate the 80s, but I dream that the 80s' culture (academism and pop culture) has the dreamy atmosphere which is full of pleasant to live this life. If I was born a little bit earlier, I would be "into" the 80s music and get any fine job to live. Of course, this is just my dreaming.

I think the reason why I read books is just longing for the state of "ecstasy". Just forget this myself which thinks a lot, and go into the books... connect myself with the higher existence. Remembering the past, I hate myself because I think too much. I must think a lot of weird things, therefore my activities were also weird. So I wanted to "kill" myself and drank a lot. But, since a point of my life, I started accepting such weird myself with forgiveness. I can never change myself, so I should accept. It took a long time, and I once almost got dead, but now I can survive with caring myself preciously. Of course, I shouldn't treat me too preciously.

A Japanese rock band, Fishmans, made the way how to live through my life. They sing "Never want the sublime days almost to die". This phrase hurt me. Denying the sublime life with full of ecstasy, I should choose the happiness which is connected with my nature. Once I believed that the state of "festivals" , which blow our boredom easily, must be happiness. But now I choose the tiny pieces of happiness in our ordinary life. Today I couldn't read books well so I thought about this. Thinking forward and backword, having various ideas is pleasant for me. I would keep on thinking and writing until I die as possible. Yes, it is really troublesome but I go to that way.

I heard this piece of news. A elementary school student got a high score of an English test in Japan. Once a person said to me that "learning languages depend on their talent". Maybe it's true. But I don't want to make a wall of the bias as "learning languages depend on their talent". I don't forgive going forward because it is uncool. I never think the word "effort" suits my life (probably I have never done any "efforts" because I have done the things I have loved until now). I just like writing my memo in English and writing articles in English. That's the key of my life. I don't want to make any lies to this emotion. Not relying on talents, just doing the things I like. It is important in any activities.

www.hokkoku.co.jp