Today was a day off. This morning I went to Aeon and thought about the essay for the advent calendar of 2022 on a server on Discord there (I actually went there because I would find a good idea by moving myself). And I came back to my group home and completed writing the essay. I looked back to the period, 10 years before, when I had been at the bottom of my life. I wrote about how my life had changed during these 10 years. Ah, it was a really, very grateful decade. I could survive these 10 years to come here...
But I have to admit that my life has never told me how my life would be. 10 years after? No way, I can't see how my life will be only a year after. Indeed, remembering my past life, I can find that I have worked at the same office, and enjoyed almost the same hobbies for over 20 years. However, for example, I couldn't have imagined that I would be writing this diary like this 5 years later. And also, I can't imagine how I will be able to look back at this time, the current situation, in other words, "now" from 5 years later. Thinking this way, I admit that I am always growing up in a changing world rapidly. Ah, how this life will change in 2023?
In the afternoon I went to a library and borrowed some books. I chose John Irving's ones. I guess that at the end of 2022 I would spend my private time with John Irving (and also, probably the beginning of 2023). I started reading "A Widow For One Year" and was eased because his world was comfortable and "adult" as usual. I thought that Irving must believe in the power of this kind of "well-made" story. It means for me he believes the force of an "ordinary life". The word "story" might remind you of some kind of "exciting" and "thrilling" one. But his stories are not those kinds of, but actually have a delicious taste. I want to read more.
This evening, I decided to put Irving's novel aside and read the rest of Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet". He clearly shows tiredness and paints the world with his thoughts. The writer who starts from tiredness, and stands based on boredom is, for me, Roland Barthes. I should read Roland Barthes again. Indeed, I have never thought that I could understand what Barthes says completely. I wouldn't do that more (unless I learn French again). But the texts by Barthes give me great comfort. Enigmatic but interesting... this attitude might be not good.