2022/11/15 English

I'm worrying if it is OK. I spent my time on my work, and if I have extra time, I watch movies and read books. It seems alright by now. In my work, I use the system of a job coach and also try various ideas. In private times, I read various books by Susumu Sogo, Yoshio Kataoka, Yasuharu Konishi, and Paul Auster. I also watch a lot of movies and it goes over 700. Ah, what a foolish passion. Now I find nothing wrong with this way of spending time. It might be good, but it doesn't fit me.

I thought about this during my lunchtime, but I found nothing as the answer. I even thought that the reason might be that my writings earn no money, in other ways, my reading and watching end as a waste of time... I try to listen to Kenji Ozawa's "The Dogs Bark, But The Caravan Moves On" and find the answer, but there is no idea. I believe this is a happy life because I have a certain job and a healthy body. I use my time with meaningful activities and also have good meals. I find I am in such a great situation, but...

This evening I watched Ridley Scott’s "Blade Runner". This is a milestone of Science Fiction movies. Even though I have watched some times, I thought about a lot of things by this chance. The Replicants, the being that human beings created are afraid of their death, and also have great intelligence and insight and therefore can think about themselves. This movie was the drama of those Replicants, that are running away from human beings' society, and the Blade Runner Deckard. I thought about myself deeply. Who is, or what is myself?

Maybe because of depression, I look at myself and write a lot. I have to look outside. Now is a hard time, but I shouldn't be rotted. Learn English, watch movies, and read books. Touching the arts outside of me means opening myself to the world and also destroying incomplete myself to take birth again. If I thought "it is enough", I would have to stop improving myself. I should open my mind, remembering the lyrics of my favorite song. "Open the window, a good voice would come" (Fishmans "Nightcruising").