I'm reading Haruki Murakami's "Dance Dance Dance". The personality of Yuki who appears as a friend of the main character reminds me of my teenage days. When I was a teenager (Yes, I was once a teenager!), I thought that every music and novel must be fresh. Indeed, it might be craps when I remember/review them from now, but at that time I was just interested in music so recorded every week's hit chart in the notebook and checked the trend of that age. I exactly had such a fresh passion... I remembered.
When I was a high school student, I accidentally met Haruki Murakami's novels and Flipper's Guitar music and was into them deeply. I never say that it was the most brilliant period in my life, but I was happy that I could touch various things pop culture had produced. Ah, from that point I have walked very long. Now I am over the age of 34, the age of the main character of "Dance Dance Dance", and still am walking forward... but I won't say that it was just an immature period simply. I won't deny the point of view I had that everything must be wonderful.
One of the themes of "Dance Dance Dance" is that Yuki and the main character have lived through various events and therefore grown up and got stronger. I have never read this novel (or maybe all of Haruki's novels) looking at that theme. But while re-reading this time, Yuki and the main character have got sick from losing something and hurting mentally and almost give up living more. But they choose to keep on 'dancing' and trying to survive. That message knocks me deeply because I also have to keep on dancing.
TBH, today I found I had done a fatal error. I won't write about it here, but it depressed me and let me think of some ridiculous ideas. But I have to live on and get through that sickness. This idea has been influenced by that "Dance Dance Dance". People praise me but I know that I am just a tiny person. I am weak and have a lot of paradoxes. Therefore I can't control myself and do mistakes. I have to face this random myself and try to go forward little by little. That is also for the people who love me.