2022/09/27 English

I went to the library and borrowed Haruki Murakami's "Underground". I can remember that I read this book a lot when I was a college student. Learning the incidents Aum had done, I think that I could join in the cult as Aum and spread sarin gas for salvage because I could have believed that must be good. Then the incident Aum had done had a certain relationship with my life. Referring to the incident from the goodness, even now there are some people who do 'strange' things from their goodness. I can lose the ethic in myself and lose myself. I must be careful about it.

Today was the day we had the state funeral of Shinzo Abe, the ex-prime minister. I was afraid of reading tweets on Twitter (so tried to ignore them). This might come from the fact I often read some tweets with a strong bias, but I couldn't ignore that there were some 'bloody' or 'aggressive' tweets. Indeed, I stand in the position of 'anti abe', but it is clear that he must not wish for such a miserable death. So I want to pray for him, but we can ask if we should pray for him at the 'state funeral'. We might have to do more important things than the funeral (we must remember Shizuoka's disaster). So my thought gets frozen there.

Reading "Underground" and "Underground 2", and also other Haruki Murakami books. Reading Haruki might be a lesson for me for a person like me who can't adapt oneself (it can be called 'anti-society') enables to live in this society, or become a member of this world. How can I throw huge self-love or ideal away and accept this myself? How can I accept this person who must not have any special talents? How can I live this life as an ordinary person... (as Wittgenstein says, just 'being here naturally' must be a miracle).

This evening, I watched the third episode of "Extraordinary Attorney Woo". It was a serious episode that approached about autism seriously and made me think about it again because I also have autism. I can't explain this from any academic point of view, but autism is the handicap of 'the characters which everyone has basically appear as serious problems because they are too much'. In other words, if this society accepts that handicap from another point of view, that handicap shows another face. Can I say that "if this society accepts it so softly, then autistic people can live a little bit easier"? Indeed, I have to do the action, not just say beautiful dreams...