BGM: U2 "All I Want Is You"
Today was a day off. This morning I talked with Judith and our friends on Clubhouse. She suggested the topic of what was the great influence in our lives, so I talked about the self-help group I am connected to. Tomorrow Thursday, I'm going to talk about that group, and I would make a draft about it so it was good timing. I talked about what I had learned from that group. Self-affirmation, in other ways, saying yes to myself. Judith seemed to have an interest in it so I was glad. Now chasing the figure that doesn't fit me, but treating this myself preciously. That was the thing I had learned.
As a morning activity, I went to Aeon and read Hiroshi Osada's "Wonder What Is Called Books" with Bob Dylan's "World Gone Wrong" as usually I do. Maybe good weather let me think this, but I just felt happy at that moment. This world has Bob Dylan's cool music and also Hiroshi Osada's deep essays. I am tasting them... I thought I even could celebrate my "now and here" that gave me the opportunity of staying with them. It was a long, long way. I almost died with alcohol at halfway... and I found this phrase in Osada's book. "Don't hesitate being happy". I thought I got a great message.
After taking a nap, I made a draft for the meeting tomorrow seriously. About 5 years ago, the owner of the cafe that related to autism said to me as "We are going to have a meeting about autism, so why don't you come with us?". I just felt light and joined with thinking I could talk about myself. There, I met some great people, and I have spent great 5 years since then. Through the process, I have learned how to cook, moved to a group home, and started planning about job coaches. I exactly believe that people can change themselves with meetings. If I didn't meet the great people at that time, I would live my life negatively thinking I was just a loser.
At night, I went to the 'danshu' meeting and confessed my experience at there. Always I don't make any resume when I talk about my story there but talk about the things I have in my mind straightly. So it can be messy therefore I feel embarrassed. Today I try to talk about the self-help group I told above and can't make it a story, therefore I felt ashamed. The leader said to us that the members of autistic people are increasing by five or six times in these years. I googled it and found it was true. This might come from the progress of medical things and people's consciousness. Ah, 5 years ago I couldn't imagine this world could be like this. So I can't say how this world would be in the next 5 years. But probably after 5 years from now, I would listen to Bob Dylan and read Hiroshi Osada or Yoshio Kataoka. Some change and others stay the same.
