2022/05/24 English

In the morning I exchanged messages with Judith on WhatsApp. Judith gave me a lot of advice for the room I would open tomorrow at 9 pm on Clubhouse. They were how to make the room neat and give members exact chances to talk. I was impressed because this advice was very actual. It must be from Judith who always makes excellent rooms. I thought I want to use this advice and make a good room. I sent her that a friend of mine had said I was charismatic. Judith said she agreed with her and Judith could read it from the way I talk and my voice itself. I thought it unbelievable and embarrassed even if I was glad to hear that.

In the afternoon I and Asel sent messages to each other on WhatsApp. Asel also praised me. Then I thought about myself who was nameless at my office, and an employee in a lower class. I won't blame the office. If I wanted to be big in my company, I should choose it and start to walk that way. But I never do that so it's not strange that they won't give me a good position. But... all I am trying to do is just be myself and live my life. But people's reactions/responses are quite different. It makes me crazy. I can't accept myself well...

By the way, once I had been blamed and laughed at by classmates. They hated me and treated me as a freak. My taste in favorite books and music are so different from others/mainstream, that they couldn't understand me and bullied me. Ah, if I couldn't meet current friends, or couldn't attend when the meeting about autism had been started by us? That meeting/encounter started everything for us. If I couldn't, I would live with shame about my autism and have a certain guilty for the fact I am living. Now people call me charisma...!

At night I watched a documentary movie "White Hot" on Netflix. The record of an American fashion brand Abercrombie and Fitch appeared as declaring white as No.1 (so-called 'white supremacism') and failed. Their failure was because the society became needing 'diversity' and A&F couldn't have changed to those trends. I am also a seller so I couldn't treat this movie as a gift from a stranger. Indeed, we need to accept other people's words/opinions and treat them as good neighbors, because those trials will make us happy. In the field of autism, we need a point of view that is based on accepting 'neurodiversity' (if I explained it in a simpler way, it would become 'how to accept the fact that there are a lot of brains').