Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/05/11 English

This morning I heard a piece of sad news. It was about Ryuhei Ueshima, who had passed away. Various presses said that he might commit suicide. Of course, I never know the truth. But it reminded me of my past because I had tried to kill myself in my past. Therefore I thought I shouldn't share this news without caring for others. I wanted to talk about this news with my friends by using LINE, but I stopped doing it. I needed calm anyway, so I listened to Nick Drake's "Pink Moon" and tried so.

TBH tomorrow I will have a presentation on a ZOOM meeting the international association has. I made a draft, which is about this journal I am exactly writing like this. This time I tried to make it by Google Documents. When I was a college student, I touched the internet for the first time. I started writing a web diary but couldn't keep on. Recently I could find my exact style and now I'm keeping on. I wrote about them. My mood really changes drastically but I want to write this more.

At night I went to dansyukai. I attended after about a month. I talked about the event that I had come back to my parents' house. I had sushi and met my parents. I could do nothing special. But I believe that all I can do is to live every day with a creative mind and keep on being sober and live steadily (although this might sound too good for me). I listened to other people's episodes and felt my mind warm by touching the welcome mood. I should feel thankful for it. We didn't talk about Ryuhei Ueshima.

I read Karin Amamiya's "Behind the festival". I always read her books with an interest. I like her seriousness. This book is a collection of reports about economical depression, corona disease, and the damage of the Great East Japan Earthquake in Japan, which was in the Olympics mood. I thought that this must be real Japan. The word 'visualize' was impressive. Although the world becomes clear like this, we can find a lot of hidden truths if we walk one step there. Those must be real facts. I will end today with these facts. I thought so and remembered Ryuhei Ueshima again. I listened to Eels's "Electro-Shock Blues" because this album fit my mood. Yes, it satisfies me...