Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/04/18 English

Today I worked late. In the morning I had time so I read Kafu Nagai's "Bokutou Kitan". I found that this novel is written by very beautiful, clean Japanese again. This novel is about a Rendez-vous with a woman and contains the author's tenderness for her. It's not a kind of adore for a woman as Tanizaki writes, but tenderness as if he is a father who watches her gently. I thought that this Japanese still have in actuality. We can read this novel easily, but we can't treat this lightly. I felt that my mind had been washed by this clean Japanese.

I read Saburo Kawamoto's essays about Kafu, and Kafu himself. Then I even think that I might be able to write like Kafu. Of course, I don't have any romantic memories of women, but I even think that I might be able to write one or two short stories if I follow Kafu, Yoshikichi Furui, and Hisaki Matsuura. I joined a pro writer's server on Discord so I should upload my novel to it. But I want to write a previous novel "A Blue Car" more. Don't hurry.

I have never been in any romantic love in this life. I don't have any beautiful love stories with cute women. I have experienced my personal love stories three times but they didn't come true. But these three love experiences taught me very interesting things. Osamu Hashimoto says that falling in love has the meaning of crashing myself and rebuilding again who had been made incompletely. I also had experienced love and lost myself, and rebuilt myself again. Yes, very interesting experiences. Will I meet my fatal soul mate? I can't see. I shouldn't be hurried.

Reading Kafu's writing, I think about aging or getting old. I am exactly getting older so I want to accept the fact seriously. Forever young? It is uncool. Live by my inner voice naturally. Once I tried to follow light novels and the movements of this world hard, but now I dig my own hole by listening to Eric Clapton's and Jimi Hendrix's blues. Even if I get in my 50s and 60s, I would watch Yasujiro Ozu's or Mikio Naruse's movie.