Why do I live? I think about this question. It means this. Someday my heart stops beating. But it's not now. Why? Or is it after five minutes when my heart will stop? Where is the possibility?
I started with strange writing. But I think about this kind of thing every day seriously. I am not interested in the situation of Ukraine or corona disease. Of course, they must be important. But, for me, more important is the fact that I am 'here now' and also someday I go from 'here now'. I think about these kinds of things only so I can't be bigger in my company and also can't earn money. I feel so sad.
But I can't stop this, so I can't help myself. In Japan, we have the idiom "we can't close our mouths with the door." We always do rumors and can't stop doing so. But we can stop a moment before saying rumors, can't we? Hard is the situation that I can't stop imagining the thing I shouldn't do. Do you know a famous story 'pink elephant'? 'Never think of a pink elephant!"' if you said like this, everyone must get confused. At least, I get confused. If people said so to me, a pink elephant started dancing Charleston.
Oh my gosh. Mirko Cro Cop starts saying "What the hell are you saying?". Yes, I know. That's why I don't want to write a novel. A female friend of mine, Mayu Yamana, recommended writing a novel. I and she are 'friends' for about five years. But it's not a 'love' connection. I feel suspicious that why in this world have the people who always think that a man and a woman must have a 'love' relationship? Our one is different but I would talk about this later.
I remembered. She said, "Write the things you had in your head directly". The things I had... For example, today I sang Spitz's tunes while I was working. Today was a sunny day. A fine spring day... If I wasn't in this corona disease, I wanted to ride my bike with the music by Spitz "A piece of the planet" on Spotify. But TBH I don't feel fine if it is a fine day. I would tell you about this later.
I remembered what Mayu said. "Music is interesting". "Especially if I listen to the upbeat music, I can feel that I am like a fish in the water. Then, music is like oxygen for the angelfish?" I can feel so. I always listen to music when I am in my room. I like strange music like Ryuichi Sakamoto, Haruomi Hosono, Rei Harakami, and Ken Ishii. If music makes me active, then what is the music for me?
Oh no, what a messed beginning! As you know, I won't write stories like 'After the accident with a truck, you became a hero in another world!'. I also won't write stories like 'An Ill girlfriend reminds me of the fact life is precious. I write this story from my life.