Today I learned English again. I won't say that I am learning seriously. Just doing various communication on Discord and WhatsApp, and sometimes trying to lift the pages of a few paperbacks (I say I don't read them!). Today I found this comment. "I can't speak English as fluently as you". A woman tried to say this kind of comment with trouble. I felt this was strange. "Why does she think that she want to speak fluently?". It might sound weird but it's not from wicked thought. I thought this very seriously.
I say about myself. My English is never fluent. Although I want to ask this someone else, at least, I speak 'crooked' English as a Japanese personality Tetsuro Degawa does. Not the English which is already filled with completed sentences, but just filled with random words by my 'ad-lib'. But it sometimes delivers the meaning so I think it might be OK... Don't blame me! I live in Japan and use Japanese in my daily life, so I never use English in real life.
But I don't agree with the mood that all fluent speakers are cool. I want to say that the person who tries to say their pure truth with trouble is cool. The person who already grips the core of their opinion is good I believe, and I want to stand by their side. Probably, this has no correct answer. I believe that if we try to learn techniques, we can speak about our opinions more complicated. But also I believe that if we have the things we are seriously thinking about how to deliver, things can reach beyond the wall of language. But this opinion might have few followers. Or... just I am only one?
Today I learn English again. With trouble, I speak uncool English. "What a shame! You learn English because you are truly trying to speak more fluently"... you might say this. No, I want to speak my truths more transparently and clearly as I can. It might not be 'fluent' talking. It might be twisted and weird English like Kenzaburo Oe's novel. Then, I want to see how I can make my English more twisted and weird. That must be the only one English.