Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/02/06 English

Today was a day off and I went to AEON in the morning. I had nothing to buy especially but I couldn't stay at my group home quietly. There, I read Natsuo Sekikawa's "Explaining' literature". I thought that this was quite a cool job again. He faces great literature like Ryoutarou Shiba and Syuhei Fujisawa honestly and tries to write his 'explanation' from them. He doesn't rely on his head too much. It seems that he tries to write something by his body (this might sound like Tatsuru Uchida). I have not read his books often because I had thought that he was out of time. But I must read his works from now.

Recently I read the essays by Natsuo Sekikawa, Susumu Sogo, and Yoshio Kataoka. I think that the essence of 'male' smells from their articles. Or I should say that the 'odor' of middle age men or aging more. I won't use these words with bad meanings (this might sound like nonsense). How are my articles? It's embarrassing that keep on freshness forever. I want to get older steadily but I don't have a family so I have not had any troubles getting older. Therefore I might be still childlike.

I had nothing to want to become like when I was a child. Or I should say that I wanted to be a writer basically but I needed to get a practical job to live on. But I couldn't see what job was for me or how I wanted to be. So I guess that I am basically a 'child' that I couldn't find any place in my job. And I used to think about getting older strictly because of that. I hate my essence of a 'child' but I might have to accept it as me.

The night I read Natsuo Sekikawa's "Literature has been read like this" and Susumu Sogo's "Can't live without movies 2007-2009" a little. Oh my gosh, I must be haunted by the bad habit of reading something completely. When I was a child, I showed terrible myself who couldn't play sports. I showed miserable myself to girls... that made me think that love had not any relationship with my life. Therefore reading something must be my mission I believed... Yes, I was just simple and childish. But then, how should I become 'normal'? I can't see. I will read Syunsuke Tsurumi even if I still am naive. I feel ashamed.