Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/12 English

BGM: Bonnie Pink "Dog and Moon"

In the afternoon I came back from my parents' house to my group home. After taking a nap, I decided that today should be the way of resting completely and read "Can't live without movies 1999-2002". And I went to a library and borrowed Agnès Poirier's book "Left Bank" and "Becket Remembering / Remembering Beckett". In both of them, Samuel Beckett appears as an important person, but I don't even know his masterpiece "Waiting For Godot" because I don't follow plays. Maybe I can watch "Waiting For Godot" on YouTube... I googled and found a few (of course, I want to watch official videos if I can).

The novel I had written the other day was praised by my friends. I'm glad to know that. When I was a Waseda student, I read Paul Auster's novels because of the translation by Motoyuki Shibata. "City Of Glass", "Ghosts", "The Locked Room", "In the Country of Last Things", and "Moon Palace". A person said my English is beautiful. That might be because I read "beautiful Japanese from English" a lot like this by Motoyuki Shibata's translation. Of course, it was not good because I haven't read English directly. But I might catch the breathing of Paul Auster's sentences by reading the translation.

As I wrote yesterday, In this year I will be 47. When I was a child, 47 is enough to be an adult. I would not be able to be in love or do something else, just getting ages and older, and that's just all... I thought so. But this age tells me that I can taste various events as remembering. I can see these things from different perspectives. So I must not be pessimistic now. Maybe I'm too simple but I might think foolish ideas even if I got 50 or 60.

I won't say adolescence is beautiful. I won't say that youth promises infinite possibilities. Youth is, for me, another name of the fool. Because they don't know what the world is and who they are, they can only do struggle as a waste of time, that's the youth I think. Ah, when I was young if I knew I was an autistic person? But getting this age, that fool can be friendly for me. Through writing the novel, I might meet myself again who didn't attend lectures and just read a lot of books, thought weird philosophy.