Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/09 English

BGM: Flipper's Guitar "Coffeemilk Crazy"

I wake up today. At the time I usually do. I write a journal and do laundry. I also have breakfast. I want to do these works even if I was depressed. Of course, sometimes I don't want to do them. I can live life without writing any journal. But doing these things stay in my body so I can't stop doing them. This morning I was really depressed. Today was a day off so I thought I should stay in my bed and rest peacefully. But I felt anxiety so lined with a friend of mine. She recommended me the movie "On the Basis of Sex". I tried it and found that It was really a good movie.

After "On the Basis of Sex", I watched the documentary "All In: The Fight for Democracy". And the night I watched the movie "Good Vibrations". From this year I watch movies more and more. What will I do with these movies? I won't become a critic or a director. But now might be that kind of season for me so I move with my mind's guide. After the action, it becomes a road. Joining the current company also was a trial I had done with courage.

When I got my 40s, I started the habit of watching movies. It was the same period that I stopped drinking alcohol. I record the movies' memories on Filmarks, and it says that I have watched about 700 movies until now. Sometimes people say that I'm a cinephile. But I don't think so. My way of the watch has a strong uniqueness so ordinary cinephiles' watching is quite different from mine. I'm writing the reviews nobody had ever tried to write. Of course, it might not be the fact that I am not a great watcher.

I will get two days off so I want to go back to my parents' house. I don't have any plans to do it if I go back there. But meeting with them might be one of the things I can do for them as a gift. I remember that I was born as this person, this strange son for them. I thought my existence itself was shameful and had the wish of killing myself. It was like yesterday's memory... As stopping alcohol, these kinds of past memories can be funny episodes for us. I would spend days watching or reading as usual.