BGM: Susumu Yokota "Go Ahead"
I remember... I couldn't join any companies when I graduated my university. I lost my hope completely and returned to this town. And I joined my current company... but I thought my life was ended. I believed that I could enjoy nothing in my life desperately. I wouldn't get bigger as a business person and couldn't get married. I couldn't get any happiness as other people do in the real-life... I became my 40s and met my current friends. It was a fatal accident. It made me start thinking about how autistic people can work with pleasure in my company. What a miracle! Now I can find the meaning of working and also the motivation.
I read Michael S. Gazzaniga's "Who's In Charge?". It is a very important lecture. Quite easy to read and understand, not avoiding to become logical nonsense. What is a human being's consciousness? Can any free will exist in this world? We are just all slaves under the unconscious minds? This book lets me think about them. I thought that I am happy if I read and think something like this. Sinking into the depth in my mind and spending "deep" time... this profound way of spending time is happiness for me. I will live such a way of life
Next Wednesday what should I talk about at the meeting I'm going to have with my friends? I made a draft in my memo pad. I thought about who can be this person. I am an awkward and weak person like a rabbit if I can use the expression which is used in "Golgo 13". I am afraid if I will be scolded by someone else... but in other ways, I do some bold behavior and am surprised at that behavior of mine. I am selfish enough and also might be a philanthropist who thinks for friends and co-workers. I am childish and laugh at Ken Shimura's comedy. I have many aspects and am a paradox itself. I hope I can talk about these things. How are they accepted by other members?
I am using the "book meter" and checking how I have read books. It tells me that in these five years I have read about 1000 books. Oh my gosh... I am the person who is surprised at this fact at first. I am not a person who studies something in any college so just thinking about what is mind or consciousness like child's playing as killing boredom. When I was a child, books and music were just the ones who didn't laugh at me... they always accepted this weird me. Now books are still the ones which accept me. Of course, now I have a lot of friends in my real. But I will keep reading on... till the end of my life.