Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/11/27 English

BGM: Rick James "Super Freak"

Today I went to a library and borrowed John. R. Searle "MiND". Recently I'm thinking about consciousness and the mind. I have a habit of murmuring monologue. I am always laughed at by that habit but I can't stop doing it. Listening to it, I might have double or triple personalities in myself. While working at my office, one of them starts speaking monologue even if it isn't any multiple characters. He(?) appears and moves my body and lets me do my works. If I trust him, he finishes everything there.

What is myself? This question doesn't provide answers. This self can't be gripped and therefore have no solution. For example, if we think about the Ibo river which runs this town, getting its water in a cup and checking it just shows the quality of water at that moment. Writing a journal and memo like this is the same. They tell the moment of myself and that's all... I am always changing. But if I start my work, a personality appears again and says "I am glad to get panic if I get money because of getting panicked. Important is staying calm". This strangeness... what on the earth is me?

This journal might have some serious readers so this kind of writing should be prohibited I think. But I have a personality who thinks horny things. For example, the woman's hip who passed me is great... I often think like that. But he is not all personalities of mine. I also have a personality who shows "the illness of avoiding work as Autonomism" and lies on the bed eating snacks crispy. And I also have a personality who watches movies and thinks seriously. I also have a personality who appears at working... How many personalities do I have? But every personality is connected as one in me. I am such a complex existence.

The night, I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" after a while. I couldn't think it was good. It has fatal paradoxes and also needs thinking more about storytelling. But it also provided me with thinking "losers" again and this was a good harvest. "Winners/losers". When did we start dividing people by these words? I might be at the bottom of the losers but can do activities freely so I think I am happy. How do I create such a philosophy of mine... How do I create this personality (or these personalities which are all mine)?