Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/11/23 English

Today I thought this. Once I had thought I wanted to succeed. Anyway, I wanted to be big... But I guess it was just for an egoistic purpose. This might sound childish but I say that I wanted to succeed because I wanted to be fine. I should think that what I can do for this world or everyone. Now I think about job coaches because "I want to make my company the place autistic person can work easily". Is this good?

I think this is as usual. "What is me?" For example, I could feel a "new" emotion I have never felt in my life? I have lived 46 years and maybe I have felt all emotion I can feel. But, for example, if I ate the food I have never eaten the taste must be the one I have never experienced. But I put that taste into the categories I already have. Like "delicious" "terrible" "sweet" "salty" etc.

Of course, this must be normal. Like that, I compare the unknown experience to the well-known experience. That means judging and living. Thinking about emotion again, I might feel "unknown" emotion. I can say that I always live "unknown" days. I live in an "unknown" time that is called the future, so every moment I might feel unknown emotion... I connect that unknown emotion and well-known emotion and make them as one. That might mean life. I have to think of this mystery of the world is an awesome thing. I dive into an unknown place...

Nowadays I think about myself and my consciousness. I was born an autistic person. People said my feeling must be so unique so I sometimes feel pleased if I learn the feeling of me might be the one other people also can feel. About overconcentration and prosopagnosia... but they are difficult to tell to neurotypical people. Egashira 2:50 said (although Egashira says this is a fake) "How to tell the blue of the sky to the people who can't see because of blindness by nature?". I also feel philosophical questions like that. This difficulty, this interesting essence. How to tell to other people? I always think it's troublesome...