Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/11/17 English

Today was a busy day for me unusually. It was a day off and I went to a library and borrowed three books this morning. The clock there tells us that it was 10. Riding a bike, I thought what the time was as thought by an amateur. One of the books I borrowed was Philip Forest's novel "Chasing the Schrodinger's cat". If I think about time, I should read Yoshimichi Nakajima's books? Thinking time by philosophical approach and trying to see what is "now", past, and future... or the approach of the scientific point of view. Anyway, they must be beyond my head.

I met a person at 11 am. We thought about how to use the job supporters at my office. I have autism and show/open it. The office which is easy for autistic people to work can be there which is also easy for everyone... that kind of logic is hard to accept for other people. They use to think that it is just a dream (or a delusion). I was asked if I want to work more at the office. I said yes because I feel the work is getting to be used for me except I have struggled with human relationships. How should we make the next tactic?

From 2 am we had a meeting at the temple in our city. I talked about the movie I watched recently "We Couldn't Become Adults". And I also talked about I had thought about how to become an adult actually. Or, in short, what is this self... If I stay at the group home, I have the self of the group home. If I start working, I find the self of my work. If I attend the meeting, I find another self... These selves start appearing with the places. A person said I shouldn't separate them. They are connected as me even if they appear in different places...

I was born... it was the first sin I did. I used to think like that once. Thinking like that, I thought this thinking was a kind of comfortable one. I always had thought like that... I talked about it. At the meeting, another person said we should think not of becoming adults but of becoming human beings. Not thinking about social roles, but the roles which are given to us (they are given by God or destiny?). Then what is my role? Writing like this is it? I hope it is.